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Rick the Stick: Amateur Porn Star/Driving Instructor

by Jason Michaels 9 hours ago

Rick's First Prom
Rick The Stick:  What's your name pretty girl?
Lisa:  Lisa.
Rick The Stick:  Alright Lisa.  Well, we will be driving that white Yukon over there.
Lisa:  Wow, that's big...
Rick The Stick:  Tell me something I don't know...
*The two enter the car*
Rick The Stick:  I forgot how tight this feels.
Lisa:  Umm, maybe you can adjust your seat?
Rick The Stick: It's super warm, too.
Lisa: Should I put on the a/c?
Rick The Stick:  Don't be silly angel.  It feels good.
Lisa:  ...Oh, Ok.
*Lisa turns on car*
Lisa:  Alright, well I checked all my mirrors, my seat belt is fastened, I'm ready to go.
Rick The Stick:  Ready to go?  Already?  Amateur.  I could go all day... And I do.
Lisa:  Huh?  Ok, well I'm going to pull out of the parking lot then.
*The car pulls out onto an empty street*

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Cute College Girl

Cute College Girls

Amanda

cute college girl
YearJunior
SchoolHofstra
If you could choose one Dinosaur to not be extinct which one would you choose?
Definitely the Tyrannasaurus Rex strictly because he seems like a bad ass.
Um that's exactly why you wouldn't want to bring him back. Are you crazy? Did you SEE Jurassic Park?
Actually, he'd realize we have a lot in common, befriend me and then protect me from the kooky stalker-types. DUH. You need to think out of the box.
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Lamest College Mascot

by Jeff Rosenberg 11 hours ago
Are you ready for the most epic battle of our generation? The most talked about event in sports history in at least a decade? The most fantastic, intimate, erotic and thrilling event to ever grace your filthy computer monitor? Well here it is ladies and gents, the duel of fates over whose college possesses the lamest mascot in America.
We pit George Mason's freakish green Gunston against the devilish St. Louis Billiken. Who comes out on top when U-Tulsa's deformed mutant Captain Cane goes head to head against whatever the hell Brutus the Buckeye is? And that's just the beginning folks. It's up to you to decide in the greatest battle of our generation and you can do it here, now, so go and experience the true pandemonium of trying to figure out what drug the people at Arkansas were on when they came up with BollWeevil.

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Straight Cash Homey

CH Sports Weekly: Now With 0% More Tour-de-France Action!

by Amir and Ethan 12 hours ago

Ethan: How about that British Open? Man, pretty golfy, right?

Congratulations to 2008 British Open champion, Some Dude Who Is Not Tiger Woods.
Amir: There's a British Open now, too? Man, the PGA is going to be screwed when Tiger finally retires in 2035.

Ethan: Probably a bad sign for golf that the most compelling non-Tiger figure out there was what was left of Greg Norman. Still, give Harrington credit for winning his second straight Claret Jug.

Amir: I have no idea what any of that means.

Ethan I think it means that people would rather see Tiger Woods play Golden Tee then watch anybody else play real golf. What do you think would get better ratings?

Amir: I'd rather watch Tiger play one of those bar games where you try to shoot the deer with the plastic gun. He would stalk that buck with such quiet intensity.

Ethan: Does Jason Taylor put the Redskins on top of the NFC East?

Amir: No. It doesn't even put their defense on the top of the NFC East. Cowboys secondary is great, Eagles added Asante Samuel and the Redskins trade some picks to get Jason Taylor who publicly stated that this is his last year in the NFL. This is what they get for having one of Clinton Portis' characters in charge of player personnel.

Ethan: Are you kidding me? Kid Bro Sweets is like Drew Rosenhaus himself, except he likes Reese's Pieces more. The Redskins' D wasn't all that bad last year, but their offense was pretty stagnant. Maybe Jim Zorn can fix it, but I'm also sure he's already in last place on my list of NFL coaches. (I go alphabetically, not based on ability.)

Amir: Is it that time of year for us to rank every offensive coordinator and defensive coordinator in the NFL?!

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Man, that Elliot kid can't take a joke

14 hours ago
Man, that Elliot kid can't take a joke

Matt and Jack,

I am so sorry. My roommate just explained to me what shaming is. The other day when I woke up and I was on fire, and you guys were both there laughing, well... I'm totally over it now. It's totally cool. I get that it's just something friends do to friends because they like each other so much. I think it's hilarious, now. When the scabs on my nuts come off I'll have a scar that looks like Abe Lincoln, which is great. So, yeah. I'm really sorry I panicked and had you both sent to prison. Misunderstanding.

Again, so, so sorry.

-Elliot

Link
http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/25786594/
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My Only Visit To University Health Services

by Josh Rosenthal 15 hours ago

Nurse: Okay... your name?

Me: Josh.

Nurse: And you pregnant?

Me: Huh.

Nurse: I know this is sensitive. Take your time.

Me: I'm not pregnant. In fact, I'm sure I'm not pregnant.

Nurse: Be honest.

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The Dark Knight IMDb Trivia

by Andrew B. yesterday

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Your RA's Summer Vacation

by Shawn Dobbins yesterday

 

RA: Hey Tom, how's it going!?!  If you're hungry I think me and some other people are heading downstairs to the caf to grab some dinner.

Dad: Jason, for the last time, don't call me "Tom," just stick to "Dad." And another thing, why are you always asking me if I want to go to dinner with you and these "other people" you talk about?  You know we always eat together as a family.

RA: Sounds great Tom! Well maybe after dinner we can all get together and paint some bricks and use them as door stops.

Dad: That's another thing Jason, why are you always asking your mother and me to partake in these activities?  I'm not interested in attending a tie-dying party; stop asking. 

Mom: Boys, dinner's ready!

RA: Oh hey Karen, how's it going!?! How'd that history final go?

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Cyanide and Happiness

by Cyanide & Happiness yesterday

More Cyanide and Happiness at Explosm.net
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Mythical Creature Convention

by Hallie Cantor yesterday
Here, here!
Abominable Snowman: Most illustrious and distinguished creatures, my greatest thanks for your presence. After centuries apart, we are finally reunited with the estimable goal of wreaking havoc on the Earth!

(Polite applause.)

Bigfoot: I hereby volunteer myself to remain behind the scenes, monitoring our efforts, as the two of you begin a timed attack across the globe.

Loch Ness Monster: You are too kind, my sizably-footed comrade. In truth, though, I must share my chief concern: that leaving the icy bosom of my watery domicile may prove unwise...in this changing climate. Let me remain behind.

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