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Rick the Stick: Amateur Porn Star/Driving Instructor
by Jason Michaels 10 hours ago
Lisa: Lisa.
Rick The Stick: Alright Lisa. Well, we will be driving that white Yukon over there.
Lisa: Wow, that's big...
Rick The Stick: Tell me something I don't know...
*The two enter the car*
Rick The Stick: I forgot how tight this feels.
Lisa: Umm, maybe you can adjust your seat?
Rick The Stick: It's super warm, too.
Lisa: Should I put on the a/c?
Rick The Stick: Don't be silly angel. It feels good.
Lisa: ...Oh, Ok.
*Lisa turns on car*
Lisa: Alright, well I checked all my mirrors, my seat belt is fastened, I'm ready to go.
Rick The Stick: Ready to go? Already? Amateur. I could go all day... And I do.
Lisa: Huh? Ok, well I'm going to pull out of the parking lot then.
*The car pulls out onto an empty street*
| Year | Junior |
| School | Hofstra |
- If you could choose one Dinosaur to not be extinct which one would you choose?
- Definitely the Tyrannasaurus Rex strictly because he seems like a bad ass.
- Um that's exactly why you wouldn't want to bring him back. Are you crazy? Did you SEE Jurassic Park?
- Actually, he'd realize we have a lot in common, befriend me and then protect me from the kooky stalker-types. DUH. You need to think out of the box.
Lamest College Mascot
by Jeff Rosenberg 12 hours ago
Ethan: How about that British Open? Man, pretty golfy, right?
Ethan: Probably a bad sign for golf that the most compelling non-Tiger figure out there was what was left of Greg Norman. Still, give Harrington credit for winning his second straight Claret Jug.
Amir: I have no idea what any of that means.
Ethan I think it means that people would rather see Tiger Woods play Golden Tee then watch anybody else play real golf. What do you think would get better ratings?
Amir: I'd rather watch Tiger play one of those bar games where you try to shoot the deer with the plastic gun. He would stalk that buck with such quiet intensity.
Ethan: Does Jason Taylor put the Redskins on top of the NFC East?
Amir: No. It doesn't even put their defense on the top of the NFC East. Cowboys secondary is great, Eagles added Asante Samuel and the Redskins trade some picks to get Jason Taylor who publicly stated that this is his last year in the NFL. This is what they get for having one of Clinton Portis' characters in charge of player personnel.
Ethan: Are you kidding me? Kid Bro Sweets is like Drew Rosenhaus himself, except he likes Reese's Pieces more. The Redskins' D wasn't all that bad last year, but their offense was pretty stagnant. Maybe Jim Zorn can fix it, but I'm also sure he's already in last place on my list of NFL coaches. (I go alphabetically, not based on ability.)
Amir: Is it that time of year for us to rank every offensive coordinator and defensive coordinator in the NFL?!
Man, that Elliot kid can't take a joke
14 hours ago
Matt and Jack,
I am so sorry. My roommate just explained to me what shaming is. The other day when I woke up and I was on fire, and you guys were both there laughing, well... I'm totally over it now. It's totally cool. I get that it's just something friends do to friends because they like each other so much. I think it's hilarious, now. When the scabs on my nuts come off I'll have a scar that looks like Abe Lincoln, which is great. So, yeah. I'm really sorry I panicked and had you both sent to prison. Misunderstanding.
Again, so, so sorry.
-Elliot
My Only Visit To University Health Services
by Josh Rosenthal 16 hours ago
Me: Josh.
Nurse: And you pregnant?
Me: Huh.
Nurse: I know this is sensitive. Take your time.
Me: I'm not pregnant. In fact, I'm sure I'm not pregnant.
Nurse: Be honest.
The Dark Knight IMDb Trivia
by Andrew B. yesterday
Your RA's Summer Vacation
by Shawn Dobbins yesterday
RA: Hey Tom, how's it going!?! If you're hungry I think me and some other people are heading downstairs to the caf to grab some dinner.
Dad: Jason, for the last time, don't call me "Tom," just stick to "Dad." And another thing, why are you always asking me if I want to go to dinner with you and these "other people" you talk about? You know we always eat together as a family.
RA: Sounds great Tom! Well maybe after dinner we can all get together and paint some bricks and use them as door stops.
Dad: That's another thing Jason, why are you always asking your mother and me to partake in these activities? I'm not interested in attending a tie-dying party; stop asking.
Mom: Boys, dinner's ready!
RA: Oh hey Karen, how's it going!?! How'd that history final go?
Cyanide and Happiness
by Cyanide & Happiness yesterday
Mythical Creature Convention
by Hallie Cantor yesterday
(Polite applause.)
Bigfoot: I hereby volunteer myself to remain behind the scenes, monitoring our efforts, as the two of you begin a timed attack across the globe.
Loch Ness Monster: You are too kind, my sizably-footed comrade. In truth, though, I must share my chief concern: that leaving the icy bosom of my watery domicile may prove unwise...in this changing climate. Let me remain behind.
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Man, that Elliot kid can't take a joke
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The Perry Bible Fellowship break didn't last long
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Game: Boxhead, the Zombie wars
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Perfect, I needed a new watermelon knife.
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Note to high school seniors: apply to UCLA
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I'm glad things have worked out for afro ninja
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Bar Rafaeli is a hot girl with lame name
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Quiana Grant is really giving those bikins the hard sell
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Who doesn’t love chocolate wangs? (Sponsored)
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A video from World's Most Amazing Improv Disasters
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He's not good, but I wouldn't want to fight him
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This might be the worst thing on the internet that has 2 million views.
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Another contender for weirdest person on craigslist, the gay-nazi action figure collector.
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Game: Cursor 10, which should be the new entrance exam at ivy league schools.
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In Zimbabwe, I'm a trillionaire
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"Ever wondered what a museum dedicated entirely to the history of toilets would be like ?" No, but thanks anyway
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Some broad who can't keep her bloomers on
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I don't know what it is about hot girls, it's almost like a genetic, instinctual attraction
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There are more hot girls on the Internet than there are girls in the world, interesting.
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I like the husband, it's a shame he'll be getting divorced
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There are seriously a lot of hot girl links today
- Click here for r-rated hotlinks
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