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The Ten Commandments of College

by Streeter Seidell just now
Student was searching for divine inspiration. Student walked high on the mountain of knowledge and came across God. Student asked God how to live life as a college kid should. And God said unto him, follow these Ten Commandments and you shall be all a college kid is. And Student thanked God and it was good. And Student spread the Ten Commandments of College to all.

I- Thou Shalt Nap
And God gave unto Student a great gift, the gift of napping. God said to him, You shall spend half your day napping. You shall nap in class, in your room and in your friend's room. And God said, if you don't nap, you will not be able to stay up all night drinking. And Student said, Nap I shall, and it was good.

II- Thou Shalt Get Sick All the Time
Now God said to Student, you must be sick all of the time. And student said why. And God said unto him, you shall share drinks, stay up too late, drink too much and make out with people you don't know. Therefore, God said, you shall be sick all year round. But God said, blessed are the sick for they have partied the hardest. And it was good.

III- Thou Shalt Write Witty Away Messages
Student asked, but God, how will I show everyone that I am funny? And God said unto him, thou shall write witty away messages. God said to student, you shall never just say you are in the shower, you shall say you are getting wet and wild...in the shower. You shall never say you are at class, you shall say you are sleeping...in class. God said, if you do not write witty away messages, I shall smite you. Blessed are the funny, for they will get many girls to be their friends but never hook up with them. And it was good.

IV- Thou Shalt Wear a Hoodie
And then Student asked God, God how do I look like a college kid. And God said unto student, you must wear a hoodie, for it is a useful garment. And you shall never wash it either. Student asked God what kind of Hoodie should it be and God said, you shall own one with your school's logo on it and you shall own many others of varying colors and creeds. And Student was pleased and God was pleased.
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Orientation Week 2008

Back-to-School: A Video Primer

by Patrick Cassels 16 hours ago
Orientation Week is harvest season for funny videos. As students nationwide - and their cameras - return to campus for another semester of brilliant undergraduate antics, the Internet finds itself flush with a new lineup of dorm room pranks, classroom stunts, and alcohol-fueled bad decisions. Here's a selection of the greatest back-to-school videos CollegeHumor has had the unique honor of featuring:...

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Orientation Week 2008

Chimp Guevara

by Kevin Corrigan 17 hours ago
College is a time to experiment. For some people that means straight up dyking out at a frat party (NICE!). For others it could mean temporarily buying into crazy ideas, or learning to juggle. Whether you grew from a monkey or just want to hook up with a hot girl who did, our Viva La Evolucion poster has got you covered. They're also perfect for juggling if you buy three.


...drove my chevy to the brand new Collegehumor Store, but the Collegehumor store was a Web site.
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Mr. President, We Have A Situation...

by CH Staff 18 hours ago

You know that scene in every disaster movie where the rogue scientist with the crazy theory bursts into the Oval Office, shouting passionate warnings to the President of a looming global catastrophe?

This is that scene.

The polls for CollegeHumor's Most Epic Disaster Movie election are almost closed, and at publication, the British zombie thriller 28 DAYS LATER holds a powerful lead with a whopping 82% of the votes.

Don't like what you're reading? Think Dante's Peak or Tremors deserves the most votes? Can't stand the thought of a zombie movie from the land of King George III winning a Democratic election? It's not too late to have your voice heard! March proudly to CollegeHumor.com/DisasterMovie and cast your ballot for the apocalyptic flick you'd like to see inaugurated as Most Epic.

Before it's too late.
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Cute College Girl

Cute College Girls

Jenna

cute college girl
YearFreshman
SchoolDuquesne
Have you ever made a guy cry, why?
Yes. I cheated... whoops.
If you could live anywhere, where wouldn't it be?
My hometown. The headline of our newspaper is about coyotes behind Wal-Mart.
What's the worst/best rumor you've ever heard about someone you know?
Worst: Ex-boyfriend getting with an ugly girl. Best: Ex-boyfriend getting with an ugly guy.
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Anatomy of a One Night Stand

by Sarah Schneider 21 hours ago
The way you sleep during a one night stand can say a lot about your feelings towards the situation…

 Wow, this actually feels nice. I could see this maybe going somewhere. But more importantly, if I’m really quiet I think I can stick it in again while she’s still sleeping.
God dammit. I KNEW I shouldn’t have ignored the fact that she had more armpit hair than me. Or that half-formed ballsac.
Ohhh crap. Oh crap oh crap oh crap. I can’t believe I used the ‘let’s be more than just friends’ line to get laid. Or the ‘you understand me better than anyone else’ line. Or the ‘I want you to be my girlfriend after this’ line.
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CollegeHumor Quiz

Are You the Party Grenade?

by CH Staff 23 hours ago
Every party has one key ingredient. I'm not talking about beer or that smell. I'm talking about a Grenade, that one unattractive girl that a guy's buddy has to "jump on" to clear the way for the seduction of her hot friend. Everyone fears having to take the grenade, but ladies, how can you tell if you are the grenade? Take this simple quiz:

Your body fat?
3% (1 point)
8% (2 points)
10% (3 points)
Yes. (4 points)

Which snack most accurately defines your body type?
Thin mints. (1 point)
Average-Weight Cheerios. (2 points)
Slightly Fat Baked Lays (3 points)
Morbidly Obese Baby Carrots (4 points)

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Orientation Week 2008

Caption Contest: Orientation Edition

by Susanna Wolff yesterday

RULES: Submit your one best caption as a comment. No replies. No retries. Keep reading to vote on last week's best...
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COLLEGE!

by Jake Hurwitz yesterday

Welcome to college, freshmen!

This article is filled with pictures of things you should expect to see, do and have done to you your freshmen year. Honestly, if you don't see at LEAST two girls making out on a keg first semester you have to transfer.
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Orientation Week 2008

College Math

by CH Staff yesterday
While college life is great and way better than high school, there will still be some problems you can't avoid. Sorry. But we've got a few tried-and-true mathematical solutions to help you out.

When can I dump my orientation friends?
Most college kids handle making friends during orientation like they would a turn on Supermarket Sweep, grabbing as many as possible in a short amount of time. Thanks to this smash-and-grab mentality, you may find yourself with a crew of friends you don't really like. Don't worry, orientation friends can be swiftly tossed aside once you meet real friends in the weeks to come. Consult the following equation to figure out how long it will be until you can ignore The Greg-inator and pretend that conversation about shotgun v. handgun never happened:

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Features! Wastes of Time, Surveys, Contests and More!

  • Cheating Survey
    Cheating Survey

    We polled 30,000 college kids to find out how much cheating actually goes down on campus. All 30,000 may have actually told the truth, too.

  • Will Ferrel Movie Generator
    Will Ferrel Movie Generator

    Have you ever noticed that all of Will Ferrell's movies tend to follow the same formula? Well, we here at CollegeHumor have discovered his secret cinematic recipe.

  • Beer Pong vs Beirut
    Beer Pong vs Beirut

    Coke or Pepsi? Chocolate or vanilla? Beer pong or Beirut? These are the great questions of our age! Luckily, we figured out the answer to one of them...

  • Dormroom Recovery Project
    Submit by September 8th 2008
    Dormroom Recovery Project

    Living in a disgusting excuse of a dorm room? Axe wants to help change that. Send in pictures of your dirty room and...

    [view more contests]
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