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Turkey: Oh... hey, Eagle. What's up?

Eagle: Not much, how have you been? I haven't seen you in at least three hundred years, my fair-feathered brethren.

[Turkey self-consciously strokes his wattle.]

Turkey: Ha. I know, right? I've been ca-razy busy with my new part-time j-o-b.

Eagle: Yeah, well I hope there's no tension between us anymore, Turkey.

Turkey: No, we're cool.

Eagle: Are you sure? It was pretty awkward there for a while. I'm sure the divorce didn't help, but--

Turkey: I'm beginning to regain custody of them, so thanks for that.

Eagle: I'm not trying to ruffle your feathers but you must realize that I am the exemplary essence of this great land.

Turkey: Oh, relax. Our little feud died out about thirty years ago. Right around the time your species almost did the same.

Eagle: Real mature.

Turkey: DDT FTW!

Oak Tree: Hahaahahah, zing!

Eagle: Quiet, national tree.
Woman: Help! Someone stole my purse.
Captain Power: Fear not, citizen! For I am Captain Pow-
Girlfriend: Oh my GOD! You DID NOT just hit on someone in front of me!
CP:
Chill babe...I'm just doing my job.
GF: Why do you want to help her anyway? Do you think she's pretty?
CP:
No, of course not.
GF:
Yeah, REAL convincing.
CP:
Come on, don't be mad. Please, babe?
GF:
You always do this, Joe. You KNOW I've been totally stressing out about not having an outfit for Saturday.
W:
He's getting away!
GF:
*cough* SLUT *cough*
W:
Please! Help me!
CP:
He's almost out of sight. But if I use my super speed I ca-
GF:
*sigh*
CP:
What's that about?
GF:
Nothing.
CP:
Are you pissed? You look like you're pissed.
GF:
I'm fine.
It's summertime! Time for lazy afternoons by the pool, awkward reunions with high school friends, parents desperately trying to reinstate curfews, and best of all, your complete and utter failure at correctly applying sunscreen. That's right, time for the CollegeHumor Worst Sunburn Contest.  The sun hates us all, and we want to see just how much it hates you. Send us your worst, most irregular, most painfully blistering sunburns of the summer, and you could win $50, $100 or even $150. We'll accept submissions through August 22nd, so try and make the most of your inability to put on jeans and enter now!
Each of those pustules could be worth $75 bucks!
June 26th 2008

What a glorious morning! This earth was made for battle, not only because of its perfectly symmetrical black and white squares! Ah, to be the unit directly in front of the King himself! Oh, mother would be so proud!

cute college girl
YearSenior
SchoolUniversity of Southern Maine
Who's interviewing who here? What kind of unboring animal would you like to have as a pet?
Are dogs boring? Cause I really want a dog.

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