1. That moment when you go on the internet…

2. That feeling you get when you see a random number preceding a random plural noun…

1. Twitter — Tweet Timeout

Scene 2 – Supermarket

1. Neil turns a corner and COLLIDES with GRUNILDA. She's overweight, with frizzy brown hair, tiny beady eyes, and terrible posture. She wears sweatpants and a large t-shirt. She speaks in a nasal, monotonous tone.

2. Grunilda

   Sorry. I'm Grunilda.

3. Neil

   Wow.

4. Grunilda

   What?

5. Neil

   That name, it's very… ugly.

6. Grunilda

   Thanks. My parents were garbagemen.

7. Neil

   Do you… maybe want to get coffee or something?

8. Grunilda

   Nah. Coffee's boring.

9. Neil laughs, charmed.

10. Neil

    I never thought about it like that, but you're right.

11. Grunilda

    Let's sit around on my couch and both look at our phones instead.

12. Neil

    It's a date.

1. The Santa Clause

On Christmas Eve, Charlie Calvin's dad startles Santa Claus, which makes him fall off a roof and die. That is the premise of this family-friendly Christmas movie. This is horrifying. The kid sees Santa DIE, then his own dad becomes Santa, which leads his mother and step-father to revoke his custody because he's crazy and they think he's made Charlie crazy. That's bad enough, but the movie ignores another traumatizing thought, that Charlie probably thought of somewhere between the horrors of The Santa Clause 2 and The Santa Clause 3: the Santa he watched die was probably somebody else's Santa Dad. Try stay well-adjusted with all that in your head.

1. Registrar

   As I'm sure you know, after gay marriage was fully legalized in 2013, there was soon no stopping men and women from marrying both animals and inanimate objects —

2. Man

   Yes, of course. Who could forget the landmark 2016 Supreme Court Case, Holmes and Whiskers v. Church of Christ?

3. Registrar

   Or the subsequent 2017 case, Resnick and Table v. Fairfield Church?

4. Man

   I still remember President Obama's controversial support of Resnick marrying that table.

5. Registrar

   Yes, Michelle gave a terrific speech. Thank Maddow that Vice President Joe Biden's talk show appearance — when he came out in support of people marrying inanimate objects — pushed her to finally evolve on the issue.

Jurassic Park crewmember Phil Tippett's credit has amused the Internet for a long time.

Phil just had one job to do on that movie, but few realize how many other movies he's played a part in:

Titanic