Hello, Fung Wah drivers! I have good news! Repair service is complete by inspectors, so I am happy to welcoming you back to your noble transportation service careers!

There are a few changes inspectors made us agree to before letting back on the roads, so please to be keeping these things in mind as you restart your Boston to New York discount adventures:

First, if bus catches on fire, you should not keep to driving bus. Please pull over at either the first sight of flames or the first smell of burning flesh, whichever comes later. If a passenger approaches you to complain or scream about bus being on fire, stop driving. Do not respond with a knowing comment about the increasing popularity of Fung Wah or Communist Party General Secretary Xi Jinping, regardless of how truth both statements are.

Dear People Who Write Open Letters on the Internet,


Stop. Shut up. You aren't charming and I hate you.

Let's start with the obvious. Most people will agree that the most annoying thing about your open letters is the gall of your presumption that everyone reading is automatically in total agreement with you. Like just because they stumbled upon something you wrote on a website, they're gonna back up your obnoxious opinions! It's ridiculous, right?

And let's not forget the sheer audacity of expecting that people looove your glorious prose so much that they'd be honored to read something you write that isn't even directed at them. I bet you use really poetic language too. Yes, we're all clamoring for the chance to push our metaphorical glass against the wall of your mind to listen in on the glistening brain nuggets you dole out into our outstretched beggar's hands. Pathetic.

We all do things we aren't proud of, but not all of us have the integrity to apologize. Kassia cleanses her soul and makes amends to those she wronged this week.

To the Cashier at my Local Tasti DeLite

I'm sorry you didn't know I had a twin sister and that on occasion we buy frozen yogurt for each other and that we happened to come in on the same day. I have to hand it to you, though. You handled it beautifully. You let me get through my whole order of "two medium vanilla with mixed chips on top, to go" and you made said order without blinking an eye. It was only as you were ringing me up that you casually said, "You came in here before, right?" That was such a cool way of trying to tell me that you thought I maybe had a problem because I was eating four fro-yo treats in a day. You are going to be a great Dad. If and when you realize your daughter is doing the equivalent of four fro-yo treats a day's worth of drinking, smoking or doing boys, you're going to bring it up at the right time in a calm manner, just like you did with me. And you should be proud of that. Also, just so we're clear, if I do ever come in and get four frozen yogurts in one day, I don't want to talk about it.