A couple of months ago my boyfriend wanted to have sex but I was tired, so I closed my legs and said, "You shall not pass." Last night at dinner my hand was moving over his leg and moved to his crotch. He grabbed my wrist and said, "One does not simply walk into Mordor." Touche, David, touche.
CollegeHumor, I give you the biggest assholes in the country.
Topics
Holidays
Like this Picture
Embed
Close
Tricky Bathroom Signs
The mix-up always ends up working in favor of the guys.
Woman Uses Butt to Grip Subway Pole
You should see how she hails a cab.
Cute Girl With Armpit Shark Tattoo
I don't blame her. I blame her brain.
Old Steve Jobs Reads Biography Of Himself
The transformation is almost complete.
I Heart The Color Blind
Unfortunately he's also color blind, so the joke's on him.
What She's Really Dreaming About
Her professor did that to teach her a lesson.
Spending your Valentine's Day on the internet? This will make everything better.
Thoughts on Valentine's Day from people who are paid to be cynical bastards.
The 3D makes this movie look real...ly sucky
Your pet says a lot about you. But then, you have a gossipy parrot.
Guys try to surf without water, and somehow succeed.
Ice T is good, but this time of year it's all about CoCo
Yeah! And why did Microsoft make Bing when they can just use Google?
Valentine's Day was simpler back then. And creepier.
Hey! Get your real world out of my internet!
These guys are getting called out by the reeferee.
