"I paid my mom to make this for me. Turned out well I think." Your mom charged you?
Mom, that's your fifth beer bong of the night - you're embarrassing me!
Oh yeah? Well your lesbian mom drives a Saturn.
"When we asked this girl what she was for Halloween, she said 'your mom." She nailed it!
Here's a what the Google Voice voice mail actually said: "Hey Mike. It's Mom. Send me a text to let me know if you and Megan are coming out to dinner so I can go out to the store. Let me know. Bye …
"Ya can't beat havin your mom at senior week passed out."