I wish for a shorter line at the keg. Out of my way guys, guy with pretend-cancer coming through.

Real estate prices in the neighborhood just skyrocketed.

Except for that guy Rick they all dated, he was the worst.

Unfortunately he's also color blind, so the joke's on him.

Once she reaches the top she has to defeat Miley Cyrus in a fist fight.

You should see how she hails a cab.

Using the bridge just seemed too easy.