I wish Britney Spears would decide if she's hot already.

Dad used to be so fun. Apparently Mom still thinks he is.

You should see how she hails a cab.

"You're a wizard, hairy."

"Browser? I hardly even know her--and even if I did, who would be interested in a person who made that joke?"

"Gretchen, NO!"

Unfortunately he's also color blind, so the joke's on him.