Some chick passed out drunk in my Barracks in medic school

When you said you could make your foot touch your head I thought you meant something else.

From ExtraDip

You know, in the time it took you to draw this, you could have taken out the trash.

From Percipere

Oh, children are sharks. This explains a lot.

From allenizabeth

Searching for inner his inner chillness since his parents "finally got off of his back about graduating."

From tastefullyoffensive

You don't have to answer, your smile says it all.

He has her tweeting out of the palm of his hand.

From Food Network Humor