"He got off work at 2:30 AM and came home to this."
It's OK, she was usually too busy looking at his hat to notice anyway.
"Construction worker slacking off again...with a plunger." (or an asian invention)
Oooh, look at Mr. Hollywood. Too cool to get off the phone, huh?
Great Sports Camp to drop the kids off at all day while you work and disregard them.
There's that invaluable college education at work again.