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"I had sex with my roommates girlfriend while he was away one weekend. I didn't know how to break it to him ... for some prespective this picture was taken from an 11th story window and the lamp post is 12 feet tall."

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"Oh, Dad. Good work, carry on."

i walked into the den the other day to see my father rubbing the mouse on his head i asked him what he was doing and he said "trying to get better reception for the internet"

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