Here's a good way to clear out a bar in 20 seconds. Bartenders might even start using it after last call.

So my freshman roommate (like 6 years ago) was awesome, and we were totally suited to live together. Neither one of us was bothered by the other's poor habits or vices. We kinda hung with different crowds though, and I would often stay with friends for days on end and come back to our room at random times with no notice. No worries but 90% of the time he'd be whackin it... Read More » when I came in the room. He'd never fail to do the "hunch over the laptop and look really intently at the blank desktop screen like he was looking for something" pose when I suprised him. This happened literally about 15 times over the year. I would usually be sober, but I pretended to be so drunk every time and fake stumble to the bathroom like I didn't notice, giving him time to adjust himself and save him the embarassment. Your welcome buddy, happy masturbating!

February 14, 2012