"Here grandma, I wrote directions on the remote so you'd stop calling me everyday."
Pass the remote, please.
"I found this in the middle of the road and couldn't stop laughing." Knit?
"I have no idea who slobbered on the remote. Ask the baby, dude."
I know I should change the channel but I lost the remote and I'm just too lazy.
The world's first remote control! Get it? JOKES!