The world's least relaxing stress ball.
Put in his batteries - he'll yelp and start doing back flips.
"Hey, I asked for black, not this cream covered latte crap."
It's actually a regular-sized turtle being held by a mutant teenager.
Pull my finger... OH MY GOD MY HAND CAME OFF WHAT ARE YOU DOING!?
So remember, if there's a dead mouse hanging on the door I'm in there with a girl.