"I'll have...umm three-quarters of a pound. No wait, make that a full pound. Actually, hmm, you know what, just give me the whole thing," said the sexually repressed housewife.

The other day, I was showing my mother some pictures on my laptop. Now, I like to use a wireless mouse with my notebook because the touchpad drives me nuts sometimes. As I shifted through the photos with the mouse on my knee, my mother apparently couldn't put two and two together and she asked how I was working the laptop without touching it. I told her it was mind-control.

February 14, 2012