"My buddy worked as a manger at McDonalds... they remodeled their playland.. we remodeled our basement."

Even if you could, you'd just get hair on your palms.

From goodatinternet

You don't have to answer, your smile says it all.

If art degree remains valuable for more than four hours, call a doctor immediately.

From caedis

You can keep the 30 cents.

From otiose321

Sings about "Someone Like You," won't say who "You" is.

From therealscumbagsteve

He has her tweeting out of the palm of his hand.

From Food Network Humor