"Sorry I am late, but a whale exploded on my scooter..."

There's no dog in this one--they cut all of Billy Bob Thornton's scenes.

From xxlittlethoughts

Oh, children are sharks. This explains a lot.

From allenizabeth

But what if the desk was actually mahogany?

From alwaystheherooftimerealornotreal

When you said you could make your foot touch your head I thought you meant something else.

From ExtraDip

He has her tweeting out of the palm of his hand.

From Food Network Humor

Well, yes and no--mostly shut up.

From memewhore