"My printer tried attacking me in the middle of the night... so I killed it with a medieval axe."

Real estate prices in the neighborhood just skyrocketed.

You should see how she hails a cab.

Unfortunately he's also color blind, so the joke's on him.

Their third roommate is somehow wearing all the high heels.

She hasn't been seen since.

"Browser? I hardly even know her--and even if I did, who would be interested in a person who made that joke?"