Let this be a lesson to all of you at there: You can achieve any goal you want, as long as it's not jumping over a fence while drunk.

You can keep the 30 cents.

From otiose321

Yo dawg, I heard you like talking about me.

From absolutelymadness

If art degree remains valuable for more than four hours, call a doctor immediately.

From caedis

He had to change his Twitter handle to @reputationdestr0yed.

From King of Pith

When you said you could make your foot touch your head I thought you meant something else.

From ExtraDip

Oh, children are sharks. This explains a lot.

From allenizabeth