Less funny than the article itself is the use of the term "bummed."

Her net is just nerdy guys who have accepted the fact that being fallen on is the only way they'll ever make contact.

From fotodahora

I'd be a lot less offended if it were listed as "hard." I can never remember which way the pointy things go.

From David Young

Run, Shadowfax! Show us the meaning of haste!

From wastetheday

Even if you could, you'd just get hair on your palms.

From goodatinternet

It is, however, a great way to remove yourself as someone's friend.

You don't have to answer, your smile says it all.