You better make sure you don't get your meat from the Wong meat market

He has her tweeting out of the palm of his hand.

From Food Network Humor

If art degree remains valuable for more than four hours, call a doctor immediately.

From caedis

I'd be a lot less offended if it were listed as "hard." I can never remember which way the pointy things go.

From David Young

They decided to scrap his art career and sell it for parts.

From caiterhe

He had to change his Twitter handle to @reputationdestr0yed.

From King of Pith

Searching for inner his inner chillness since his parents "finally got off of his back about graduating."

From tastefullyoffensive