If you want to look at vaginas without being a cheerleader, there's always the Internet.
If you get these, you've spent far too much time on the internet to pass.
If you're not going to paddle, the least you can do is get really, really pumped.
If you're going to wear a speedo on the beach, at least be careful.
Look at the bright side, now you can poop wherever you want.
You didn't need the shirt, I was going to stare at your boobs anyway.