That's their unborn son from the future coming back to save them.
You've come to the wrong neighborhood, quail.
Now slow down. By "used" they meant some curious youngster just tried all of them on. That's it.
It's not a complete lie. They squeezed the water used to make the juice out of a dirty kitchen rag.
"Stole the money from my roommate's safe. Shredded it down, then used it to make the gigantic fake 100s."
That certainly explains the stomach ache. Well, to be specific, chugging it after eating a jar of pasta sauce does.