"I hope you like your men how you like your coffee--soon to be unemployed."
He's never been turned down by a woman, but only because no one has ever even responded.
This is the most awkward text message I've ever had to send to my dad.
Technically I'm not myself while drunk. So it still wasn't me.
Are those wedding bells I hear? Oh, it's just your text alert.
"My friend sent me a text saying how much she hated Verizon. I got the message 15 hours later."