Ridiculous Police Blotters
It's a rule, regardless of the situation.
It's a rule, regardless of the situation.
1
3:38 - Parents report the man with an Arnold Schwarzenegger cardboard cutout in his window is making them nervous.
3:38 – Parents report the man with an Arnold Schwarzenegger cardboard cutout in his window is making them nervous.
2
Hmmmm let me see it was green, some red hairs, pretty sticky icky....
Hmmmm let me see it was green, some red hairs, pretty sticky icky….
3
"A friend of ours got really, really, drunk at our house so we told him he needed to go home. We offered to drive him but said he'd walk home by himself. Bad choice."
"A friend of ours got really, really, drunk at our house so we told him he needed to go home. We offered to drive him but said he'd walk home by himself. Bad choice."
4
Honey, just go. The ninja in the diaper says it's okay.
Honey, just go. The ninja in the diaper says it's okay.
5
We have some "special" kids here at UMass, as you can see from our police logs.
We have some "special" kids here at UMass, as you can see from our police logs.
6
Apparently at Drake all the weirdos get up before noon.
Apparently at Drake all the weirdos get up before noon.
7
Text messages have a purpose?
Text messages have a purpose?
8
Suspect is 18-year-old white male virgin.
Suspect is 18-year-old white male virgin.
9
I don't want to ruin the ending, but "The origins of the fecal matter remained a mystery."
I don't want to ruin the ending, but "The origins of the fecal matter remained a mystery."
10
How much cake is an inordinate amount? Because I can eat a lot of cake. CASE CLOSED.
How much cake is an inordinate amount? Because I can eat a lot of cake. CASE CLOSED.
11
But officer, the bear said he would be back!
But officer, the bear said he would be back!
12
Philbert: Great, now what are we supposed to do. Walter: You guys want to play Warcraft? Everyone: Okay!
Philbert: Great, now what are we supposed to do.
Walter: You guys want to play Warcraft?
Everyone: Okay!
Where do you think he got all the horse shit?
Where do you think he got all the horse shit?
14
The moral of the story is if you are going to dress up a 9-year-old boy like a girl and feed him rum, try to drive the speed limit.
The moral of the story is if you are going to dress up a 9-year-old boy like a girl and feed him rum, try to drive the speed limit.
15
"Good concept for a prank, but keep in mind, at the end of it all, you still have to handle your own feces."
"Good concept for a prank, but keep in mind, at the end of it all, you still have to handle your own feces."
16
If you pack those things with ice they hurt!
If you pack those things with ice they hurt!
17
Best police report ever. Second to last paragraph, dudes.
Best police report ever. Second to last paragraph, dudes.
18
Hey Pete- Don't be such a shithead and you won't get a condom on your doorknob!
Hey Pete- Don't be such a shithead and you won't get a condom on your doorknob!
19
Something all those books... I can't help myself.
Something all those books… I can't help myself.
20
I'd probably rather get a fist in the face than this.
I'd probably rather get a fist in the face than this.
21
Police report from the CMU newpaper... who hits someone in the head with a submarine sandwich anyways?
Police report from the CMU newpaper… who hits someone in the head with a submarine sandwich anyways?
22
You can tell you go to a nerdy school when this is in your police blotter.
You can tell you go to a nerdy school when this is in your police blotter.
23
35 seems a little old for public indecency. I'm sure whoever was around you would agree.
35 seems a little old for public indecency. I'm sure whoever was around you would agree.
24
No I'm telling you it's mine. It has George Washington on it, and this creepy eye thing.
No I'm telling you it's mine. It has George Washington on it, and this creepy eye thing.
25
There's a dress code at gang bangs?
There's a dress code at gang bangs?
26
"Apparently this is was qualifies as news at CSUS"
"Apparently this is was qualifies as news at CSUS"
27
One of the first beer pong injuries I've seen.
One of the first beer pong injuries I've seen.
28
Apparently punching someone in the face isn't a crime?
Apparently punching someone in the face isn't a crime?
29
If you know you have herpes, you probably shouldn't be blowing yourself.
If you know you have herpes, you probably shouldn't be blowing yourself.
30
Read the second incident report.
Read the second incident report.
31
Is these really worthy of comment in police listings?
Is these really worthy of comment in police listings?
32
The police must not have a lot to do in Couer D'Alene, Idaho.
The police must not have a lot to do in Couer D'Alene, Idaho.
33
It was one quarter, three dimes, five nickels, and twenty pennies.
It was one quarter, three dimes, five nickels, and twenty pennies.
34
You have to think the guy made the sign before he even got in the car.
You have to think the guy made the sign before he even got in the car.
35
Dude, hit this ground cucumber!
Dude, hit this ground cucumber!
36
Appeared in yesterday's police blotter at NCSU. Don't get caught with your pants down.
Appeared in yesterday's police blotter at NCSU. Don't get caught with your pants down.
37
"...and then later she vandalized my penis with her face!"
"…and then later she vandalized my penis with her face!"
38
That means the cow could still be at large!?!?
That means the cow could still be at large!?!?
39The only real crime here is the reporting.
