Adam Ruins Everything
Jake and Amir
Oh nevermind, she got a car seat. That's safe.
I commanded the Flying Hellfish, the fightingest squad in the fightingest company in the third-fightingest battalion in the army.
"A friend of ours got really, really, drunk at our house so we told him he needed to go home. We offered to drive him but said he'd walk home by himself. Bad choice."
Dude I'm so drunk, where's mommy?
A hot girl that can make a sports pun? Marry me.
Black Eyed Wii's
Christmas is over, better smash the tree by throwing bricks at it.
Rub-a-dub-dub six dudes in a tub.
"Everytime you win 3 games in a row at beerpong in my room you get to fill out a brick on the wall."
"They told us we could name the team whatever we wanted. We never could figure out why some of our opponents' parents got so mad."
You can't see it, but he's also playing flip cup with his feet.
We need to get to 65 mph - Robin, hit the turbo boosters!
Well how many shit songs do I get?
"This guy puts more and more lights on every year, and cars are lined up all down the street to see this house. It also causes rolling blackouts."
Emo dog. His favorite band? Dashbone Confessi-woof.
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We like you. Do you like us too?
Don't ask me again.