Adam Ruins Everything
Jake and Amir
"Funny part is, I got 3/5 for the question."
Sometimes when you want to stick it to the man, you have to get pee on your shoes.
"This was in a catalog. The description said that it depicted one of the "mythic labors of Hercules."
"My roommate's retarded dog ate a tube of blue latex paint."
Add another to the list of delivery men on CollegeHumor that should be (at least) fired.
A Tower Records gift card - truly the worst gift possible.
As a policeman, I'm this town's last line of defense against chaos.
He could use this to fly over traffic, like the cab in Roger Rabbit.
Wouldn't be that confusing, but it intersects with Molly's Other Nipple Blvd.
"He kneeled down to puke in the box and then passed out face first on top of it."
I ain't stimulating my wife's clitoris with no mamby-pamby surrender-monkey sex toy.
Either she passed out on the beach or she's been wading in purple ink.
"My 7-year-old brother fell asleep quickly after consuming a monsterous amount of turkey; so my cousins thought it would be fun to pile his dinosaur toys on top of him."
"My friends and I decided to remake the board game Clue."
He picked her up with a, "Hey Momma, wanna have a burger with a real man?"
We don't need the back of our truck or our teeth thank you very much.
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We like you. Do you like us too?
Don't ask me again.