Several years after the Esurance commercials, Erin Esurance finally settled down with her husband, William. The following takes place after William has arrived home from work.



William: Hey, Honey, how was your day?


Erin: What the fuck is this?


William: Whoa, what?


Erin: This bill. Your insurance bill. I found it in your dresser.


William: Oh god… I swear I was going to tell you…


Erin: GEICO I hate that GECKO!


William: Honey, please…


Erin: I trusted you! How could you do this to me?


William: It’s insurance! Calm the hell down! Did you take your pills this morning?


Erin: I don't need those pills… Mother was right about you!


William: Let me exp-… I’ve never even met your mother!


Erin: And you never will. I killed her.


William: Wha- what the fuck?


Erin: She knew too much.


William: You’ve completely lost it! You sell insurance! You aren’t a spy!

Erin: Stop trying to change the subject! What the hell are you doing with Geico?


William: I shouldn’t have to explain myself t-…


Erin: crying JUST TELL ME!


William: Fine. I just think it’s weird having an insurance card printed out at home, seriously. And when am I ever in a hurry anymore? We live in a townhouse in Illinois. Jesus Christ, woman. Calm down.


Erin: I think we’re through. I'm taking the kids.


William: I figured this would happen. Wait… We don't have kids! Those commercials went to your head. You need to see a doctor, you have a problem.


Erin: Oh, I have the problem, Mr. Geico Insurance. Esurance is so simple. Just quote, buy, print.


William: It costs more than my insurance now!


Erin: But it’s BETTER! QUOTE. BUY. PRINT. QUOTE. BUY. PRINT. IT’S SO EASY!


William: You know what? You do have a problem. You aren’t a god damned spy. And guess what else? I slept with Laura from Nationwide, you psycho.


gunshot


Erin: Quote, buy, print. Now where did I leave those drugs?