Fight Club (1999)

What the hell was that about?! I put this in expecting to see basically what I watch every week on UFC, and I get a lecture on our economy? This is bullshit, man! Oh, and could there have been more half-naked, sweaty dudes? Seriously, how gay do you think I am? And the one bitch in there was some skanky-ass coke whore! Come on!

Reservoir Dogs (1992)

Stop fighting! You're on the same goddamn team! Are you serious?! And what was with the fat dude in the jogging suit? Fatass hasn't jogged in ten years, I guarantee you that! And no, Tarantino, getting your reels mixed up and out of order does not make you a talented director. Grow the hell up!

American Psycho (2000)

Holy mindfuck! What in God's name did I just watch? Seriously, was I supposed to laugh when he tried sticking the cat in the ATM? What's with all the homoerotic undertones? I don't need to see half-naked Christian Bale putting on a facial mask. No, that's not freaky and gay enough, let's have him eat a hooker and chase another one naked with a chainsaw. My God, this was stupid!

Super Troopers (2001)

Hey, guys, let's all get baked! No, we can't do that, the cops are here. Oh, wait, the cops are getting baked right there! What the hell kind of hypocritical message is that?! The whole movie is the cops who suck at their jobs fucking with people they pull over. Boy, that's original! This was unnecessary.

Donnie Darko (2001)

I don't get it.

Snakes On A Plane (2006)

What do you get when you cross a washed-up bald black actor with a plane full of snakes? This piece of shit. I honestly cannot believe I sat through that whole goddamn thing. Let's put every Hollywood stereotype onto a plane and try to kill them with poisonous snakes. We'll put it on camera, and if most of them survive, we'll turn it into a movie. Oh, and if Samuel L. Jackson says "motherfucker" less than 25 times, he doesn't get paid.

Sin City (2005)

The only thing I got out of this movie is that I want to fuck every woman in Basin City. Other than that this movie was completely worthless. Bruce Willis is too old to be playing anything other than an Alzheimer's patient, and Mickey Rourke needs to take a bath or something, my god.

Pulp Fiction (1994)

Goddammit, Quentin, what did I tell you last time?

V For Vendetta (2005)

Who doesn't want to watch a movie where they take the one hot chick and shave her fucking head halfway through? What a preachy, worthless pile of shit. And if that's not enough, it's as far fetched as Men in Black 2. Seriously, the dude survives being given a virus, and getting shot a hundred times? His immune system could cure cancer and AIDS at the same time. Don't get me fucking started.

The Boondock Saints (1999)

Hey, me name's Paddy and this is me best mate O'Doyle and we're up to kill some chaps because God told us to. What a stupid fucking premise. Then the Green Goblin comes in as a special investigator and all he does is dance around to some faggoty ballet music. What the hell is going on? This was complete bullshit.