4:00 a.m. Unbelievable. I've been here on this stakeout for the last eighteen hours with Barney Miller and T.J. Hooker in the back, while I'm up here playing solitaire. What's worse is they won't tell me shit! I have no idea who we're waiting for or for how long we're gonna be waiting, because it's "classified". Jackasses. I swear to God, if we're still here at 6:00, I'm(two thumps from the back) Thank God. Thank God.
11:00 a.m. Wow, that did not go well. Ten minutes in, shots ring out. I saw it go down, and I saw it fall the hell apart. Three of them got back to the van before I took off. The other guy who knows. Dead, arrested, I don't know. The point is, they only paid me half up front, and they said since their other guy didn't make it back I wouldn't get the other half. Well, isn't that just great? I'm not the one who fucked up the job, I gotta be looking out for me! So fuck it, I said next time, hire the goddamn monkey, see how well that works for you.
3:00 p.m. So, this guy called me, and he told me to meet him about a block away from the elementary school. Weird-looking fella, big scruffy beard, dark glasses, beer gut. Handed me two thousand dollars in exchange for borrowing the van for two hours. Hey, whatever, money's money. Besides, he's not doing anything weird with it. Not sure what the box of lollipops was for, though.
5:00 p.m. Just got the van back and I found a rope and a ball gag in the back. Now I'm a little concerned, but I don't have time for any of that, because I have to get back to the stakeout.
7:00 p.m. Alright, Matlock is outside, pissing on my door. Arrogant son of a bitch. Seriously, they take over my van with their super spy equipment and don't tell me shit, and they think they can just run this machine! Well, they can't! This is MY SHOW! I'M RUNNING THIS THING!
7:02 p.m. I think Magnum, P.I. heard me yelling just now and suspects something. Well well, good! He's gotta know who's boss! If that means he thinks a little less of me, then so be it! If it means he thinks I'm a schizo, well that's fine, too, because I AM IN CHARGE HERE!!!
1:00 a.m. Heh wow, funny story. Turns out the dude we've been watching is the same guy who set up the botched heist this morning. Wow this is awkward. Hopefully he didn't recognize me. Waitshit, he recognized me. Damn. Well, looks like I've probably got about a day-and-a-half to live, so hmm solitaire, anyone?