Last night I went out with some friends to celebrate my roommate's 23rd birthday. After several glasses of Michelob Light (shut up, it was $5.50 pitchers), three of us somehow got onto the topic of classes. Namely, the type of people that are always in your classes. It was then, in my drunken haze, that I was struck with the inspiration for this blog entry. I was also struck with the realization that I have officially crossed the 100 day mark since my last sexual encounter, however this is in no way related to the rest of this post. Anyway, I decided to compile a list, if you will, of the stereotypical types of people that exist in every class on every college campus everywhere. Below is that list.

The "let me go ahead and eat an entire four-course meal in the middle of class" guy. I am totally okay with snacking in class, I do it all the time. But there is a fine line between an afternoon bag of M&Ms and recreating Thanksgiving dinner at your Aunt Ida's house. I understand that maybe you didn't have time to sit down and eat in between classes, but Jesus Christ, what the hell is in your bookbag? Is that a turkey breast? Do you have any Doritos in there? Perhaps a box of Milk Duds you'd like to share?

The "is this going to be on the final?" girl. Asks roughly 15,612 questions every class, usually followed with, "Is this going to be on the final?" Do you really need that much clarification on everything the professor says? Seriously, shut the fuck up. If you have a question, save it for after class. Some of us want to go home, eat a bowl of Fruit Loops and pass out to a rerun of Step by Step.

The "late arriver/early leaver" guy. Hey buddy, I'm glad you decided to show up to class today. Glad you could grace us with your presence for five minutes, sign the attendance sheet and peace the fuck out. Seriously though, I wish I had the balls to be this guy. Every day with him is like a game of Russian Roulette. Half the reason I show up to class is because I know one day this guy is going to get up to leave and the professor is just going to go ape shit. The Food Guy and I are going to sit back, eat a bag of popcorn and enjoy.

The sassy black woman. If there is such a thing as reincarnation I totally want to come back as a sassy black woman. Traits include frequent use of the phrase "mmmhmm", usually coupled with either a pursing of the lips or an equally sassy head nod. They can say whatever they want and have an opinion on anything and no one says anything. You can't make a comeback to the sassy black woman. You just can't. I can't even write anything bad about the sassy black woman.

The "I could teach this class" guy. This guy has to debate everything the professors says because he wants to show everyone how smart he is. That and he's a ginormous douchebag. Hmm, I wasn't aware that two years of intro. level psych. classes and a $24.99 subscription to Newsweek made you smarter than someone with a doctorate.

The "let me ask as many stupid questions as possible and waste everyone's time" girl. Varies from the "is this going to be on the final?" girl as her questions are at least relevant to the class where as this girl asks stupid questions because she either a. thinks it will make her look smart; b. is genuinely that dumb; or c. thinks it will make her look cute. And you know, YOU JUST KNOW, the professor wants to punch her in the face as much as you do.

The "I think I'm funny, but I'm not" guy. This guy feels the need to comment on anything the professor says that he believes can somehow be made into a joke. "Did she just say the midterm is going to be long and hard? You know what else is long and hard?" This blunt object I'm about to beat you with. You and the stupid girl who asks too many questions should be sterilized so you can't breed.

Then there's people like me, who actually take time out of their day to write about these people. Which I guess really doesn't make me any better than them, but I'm okay with that.