1. I am in the middle of the desert in a big hole.
2. I think the Americans have stopped looking for me.
3. The Americans have killed anyone that knows where I am.
4. I was really wasted when I came here and I have no idea where I am.
5. How long can a person live off of pop tarts and beer?
6. There is a strange smell in here
7. An alarm seems to be going off, but I can't find where it is coming from
This list was found by Osama's dead body
Cause of death unknown, but wmd's were found farther down the hole.