Adam Ruins Everything
Jake and Amir
Thought Process the Night Before an Exam
May 5, 2007
Alright, let’s bang this one out. It’s 6 P.M. right now and my exam is at noon tomorrow. I’ve got loads of time. Okay, haven’t read any of the chapters. Not a big deal. 16 chapters, definitely doable. Chapter 1, page 1, let’s get a move on it. I’ve got my can of Red Bull, some Chinese food, and my good ol’ sweats. We’re good to go.
It’s pretty simple if you think about it logically. All I need to do is study the information in this book so I’ll have the material inside my head, then I use what I’ve learned and apply it on the test to get a good grade.
Okay, Chapter 2 here I come! 300 pages in 15 hours, doable. 20 pages an hour, that’s nothing. I read the last Harry Potter book in, like, one sitting and that was 500 pages. This should be a walk in the park.
I’m not stressing out, I’m just getting a little aggravated, that’s all.
Where’s my roommate?!? He’s in my class, why isn’t he here studying with me? If he’s not back in the next ten minutes to help me study I’m stealing something from him, swear to God. I’ve always wanted that green t-shirt he has. I mean, don’t get me wrong, he can pull it off, but I’d definitely rock it harder.
What the fuck is a diode?
I need a break. I’ve read like 3 chapters in 6 hours, not a bad start if you think about it. I really don’t need to be reading the entire chapter. It was stupid to think I did. I’ll just skim from now on, right after a quick well-deserved break.
Spiderman 3 was awesome! Granted it was a little under 3 hours, but I think it was worth it. Now I’m relaxed and ready to go. 9 hours left and I’m gonna pump this sucker out like you wouldn’t believe, right after I go online and talk to some of my buddies about that one scene in Spiderman where….
Those last 5 hours really flew by! First I was talking to my boy Ben from back home about Spiderman for like an hour, then Rachael signed on and was all “
, I hate boyz!!!” so I ended up talking to her for a couple hours then she came over. Shit, I only have 4 hours left.
School is fucking stupid man. Like, what’s the point. Okay, so I learn all this useless information, then apply it on the test, only to completely forget about it the next day. SO
! What’s the point of memorization? Just give me the fucking book during the exam, ya know. You’re not only wasting my time, you’re wasting yours as well Professor Stupid Glasses and Gay Sweater Vest.
This isn’t my fault. The whole educational system is flawed. This is definitely not my fault for leaving it to the last minute. I'll just read the one page chapter summaries from now on, skimming takes too long.
I wish I could just download information from Wikipedia into my brain. That’d make my life so much easier.
’S what I need to do, invent something. That’s where all the money is these days. All I need is an original idea and then…
! This idea about downloading information into our brains is pretty good I think. Plus my friend's dad is a carpenter, maybe he can help me out with the logistics or something.
Who am I kidding, I could never invent that. It’d probably involve diodes anyway and the hell if I know what they do.
I can't take this exam. How can I get out of it. Shit. Shit. Shit. Um what if I broke my leg. Hahah, yeah I'll break my leg! They can't expect a cripple to take an exam, that would be inhumane.
I'm not going crazy! Don't
say I went crazy or I'll kill you I swear to God I'll kill you! I just beat the system, that's all. And when all you poor saps are taking your exam at noon, just think of me, relaxing in a hospital bed eating ice cream and delaying my final exam until the beginning of Fall semester. 3 months baby. I can definitely read 16 chapters in 3 months!
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