"Honey, there's a great house on the market right next door to your fraternity. Your dad and I are thinking about buying it. Then we can see you all the time!"
"I was just showing Angie some baby photos of you bathing in the tub. We both laughed because she said your penis is still the same size."
"Oh no, Professor. All of his grandparents died over ten years ago. I don't understand how that could have possibly caused him to miss the midterm!"
"I think I just saw your mom doing the walk of shame."
"Uh, excuse me. Can you tell your father to stop streaking the quad?"