As many users brought to our attention, last issue shipped with only 103%. We regret the error, and will pack in 107% into this week's issue to make up for it.
Desperate Corporate Slogans
Nike: Just Do It Already.
McDonalds: I’m Really Really Lovin’ It. Seriously.
Lays: Betcha Can’t Eat Just One! Okay, Double Or Nothing!
Quiznos: Mmmm… Toasty. Ugh! So fucking good.
Nike: Did you do it yet?
I think baseball would be more interesting if the mascots actually fought each other. I want to see a Pirate fight a Tiger. Or a Marlin take on a Devil Ray. Or the Yankees versus the Indians. Okay, I guess we know who would win that last one…
-Brillo Peterson
You Just Answered Your Own Question
Y d0nt i h4v3 NE fr13nd5?
How to Make $500 Million
Will Ferell is "Spider-Man"
Sing like no one is listening.
Dance like no one is watching.
Poop like no one is sitting in the stall next to you.
-Tory Terzian
World's Biggest Pessimist
You ever notice how rainbows are shaped like frowns?
Billy Joel, MD
"Your husband suffered a severe heart attack-ack-ack-ack-ack-ack!… He didn't make it."
Ben Franklin's Less Famous Aphorisms:
"A minute of 60 seconds is."
"In the nose and out the mouth is one way to breathe."
"A unitard is a retard with only one horn."
"I invented some sort of stove."
Overly Polite Person Requesting an Encore at a Rock Show
Wooo!! Yeah!!! Come back!! Please? You know, only if you feel like it! I mean, you guys were great, but I noticed you didn't play your most popular song, and I'd love to hear it!! Only if you want to, though!! It's completely your call!! I'll respect whatever decision you make!! WOO!!
The best contact solution is glasses.

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