5. Change friend/employee's homepage to something completely gay…

May I suggest 365gay.com, or, equally embarrassing, MarthaStewart.com

4. Along the same lines, said friend/employee could certainly use a fresh, new wallpaper to match that great new homepage…

May I suggest Google Images, your #1 source for embarrassing images.

3. CollegeHumor.com all day, baby!! WOOOHOOOO!!!

May I suggest the R-Rated section, followed by boobies. For the ladies, may I suggest R-Rated, followed by boobies. I think we can all agree that was hot.

2. Obtain a plethora of information about your favorite celeb. The closer to borderline-stalker you become the better (Address, Mother's maiden name, what order they undress in and in what room, you know—the usual).

May I suggest a personal favorite, Sarah Chalke. For the ladies, may I suggest a personal favorite, Sarah Chalke. Ok, fine, you aren't into that kinda thing. Fine. May I suggest my girlfriend's personal favorite, Angelina Jolie. There, now you're into that kinda thing. Repeat Step 1.

1. If all else fails, just do what my black friend Anthony did today… sign up for the KKK.