Well friends, it's May and the school year is coming to a close. Sadly, we all know what that means: crappy internships, sh*tty jobs, or worse yet: GRADUATING FROM COLLEGE.

(everyone vomit together)

But seriously, your life could be worse. You could be one of the famous celebs – Luke Wilson, Jessica Simpson, Andy Dick – in this totally heinous trainwreck of a rom-com. I'm not sure what's scarier – that this flick cost the price of a movie ticket to make or that Jessica Simpson looks like a stumpy, transsexual dwarf. Regardless, remind me to stop chasing my dreams to fall in love – ALWAYS a bad idea! [Source: WWTDD]

If you're looking for a date who's ready for a mid-movie makeout, look no further – Lindsay Lohan is searching for a boy toy. LiLo was spotted carrying around a self help book written by Desperate Housewife Felicity Huffman, that details how to land and keep a boyfriend. Unfortunately for her, it does not specify what to do when pictures of you snorting coke show up all over the internet. [Source/picture: CelebSlam, DListed]

The 2007 Fashion Institute Gala was held this past weekend at the Metropolitan Museum of Art in New York, where celebs and other random famous people come together in ridiculous outfits to celebrate fashion designers that no one's ever heard of. It's also known as the ugliest day of the year for Kirsten Dunst and her cowboy-booting Brit boyfriend. Even emo-Spiderman is better looking than that trash heap – and with WAY more ridiculous dance moves. [Source: Egotastic]

Poor lil' Britney Spears has down the impossible – downgrading from her ex-hubs Kevin Federline.
Her new, met-him-in-rehab-so-he's-just-as-big-of-a-disaster boyfriend, soft rocker Howie Day, was once arrested for locking a female fan in his tour bus bathroom after she refused to knock his drunk-ass boots. I'm sure when Britney heard this she got really horny – she loves getting freaky with trainwrecks. Choo Choo! [Source: IDLYITW]

Good news – Kate Bosworth gained five pounds! Bad news is, she still looks like a pile of bones n' ass. Is it possible to jerk off to a skeleton? You tell me. [Source/photo: Egotastic]

40 year-old frat boy and hunky house designer Ty Pennington of Extreme Home makeover was arrested this week for drunk driving. If I had to build rooms each week for legless asthmatic orphans whose adopted parents rescue abused horses, I'd mix vodka into my Vitamin Water too. [Source: NinjaDude]

And of course, as we all know, Princess Paris was also arrested this week, for working out in a sequined tank top.

Okay, it was for being an idiot and driving drunk and then hopping in the driver's seat with a suspended license, but seriously, a sequined fucking tank top? I hope she gets some fashion sense gang banged into her down in the slammer.

If you want to see Paris make license plates as much as I do, sign the Jail Paris petition to ensure that her parents spend millions of dollars in legal fees for nothing. [Source/photo: HollywoodTuna, WWTDD]

See you in the clink,