Girl: Good morning.
Me: I don’t believe in marriage and I’m allergic to diamonds!
Girl: What is that book?
Me: It’s the book of truth. If you’re going to be a Jehovah witness we must start your teachings today.
Girl: Where are you going?
Me: I have to be a crossing guard this morning. Don’t I look old for a 13 year old?
Girl: zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
Girl: We should do this again some time.
Me: Yeah, but next time we’ll include my twin brother and wear the bear suits?
Girl: Wow, it’s already 10:00
Me: We must hurry the owner's come back from vacation today. By the way, I’m Homeless Bob. Your typical fun-loving hobo.
Girl: What is your name?
Me: Father Johnson. Wait, your not an alter boy. I must have been really drunk last night.
Girl: What are you writing?
Me: It’s a book called “An Idiots Guide to Picking up Slutty Women at the Bar”. How do your spell your name?
Girl: You’re up early?
Me: I have to wash my hands 100 times before breakfast then lock and unlock the door for forty-five minutes before I leave the house.
Girl: I want to know everything about you
Me: Have you ever seen Dateline NBC’s “How to catch a predator”.