Sometimes people will hire you or let you into Grad School if you're black. I just learned about this the other day, and it's called Affirmative Action.

Also, I found out yesterday that I am black. Well, I prefer to be called African American.

You see, as a Jew, or rather, one of the chosen people, my ancestors worked to build the pyramids in Egypt. Since Egypt happens to be in Africa and I now live, in America, I'm pretty freakin sure that makes me an African American.

Now, I don't want any special treatment or anything. I just ask that my Jewish brethren and I finally get our due. We have been overlooked at Investment Banking Jobs, Law Firms, and Hollywood Studios for too long. And when's the last time you saw a Jew get into an Ivy League school without having to pull some serious strings.

Thankfully, next time I have to fill out an application that asks my race, I can proudly check that box that says African-American.