So you have left your college town of paper thin walls and $6 all you can drink nights at the bar and have returned to your hometown by now.The first week has past and the nostalgia of drinking in all the familiar places from high school has quickly lost its appeal.Around 12:30 you get your 2nd pitcher at the local bar only to realize its just your three friends, the bartender and the creepy old guy who gets way too hammered, always misses a spot shaving and takes a bicycle home because he’s had one too many dui’s (this man is why you went to college by the way).After your short respite, you are coming up on your first week of your real summer plans.




Internships:This applies to all engineering, pre-law and business majors.You pretty much hate these guys because they make $14.50 an hour for reading collegehumor; however, they have taken a big step towards adulthood which clearly isn’t what I want this summer, they have a desk and their own phone number.Seriously, they have a landline, who the hell does that anymore?

What you will end up doing in life:Making 150,000 a year doing something you hate, but you will have a membership to a yacht club and a trophy wife.You’ll have two kids who will grow up to be just like you, also you cheat on your wife with a 10 year younger version of her.




Study Abroad:Wow, fuck these guys even harder than the engineering majors.This is reserved for all of your friends whose parents have “vice-president,” “investment banker” or “moneybags mcdouchebag” in their job title.This really is a free for all throughout various people attempting the rigorous course load of getting a minor in “insert foreign country studies."



What you will end up doing in life:This entirely depends on whether or not you come back from the foreign country with something you didn’t leave with.(e.g. 1-hiv – you will probably end up wasting the rest in a van down by the river only after infecting your high school ex because well, when your hammered at 3 am, priorities really change. 2-dysentery-probably won’t change you life, just wanted to throw in a jab at Stewart, common’ man, you don’t drink the water! 3- a child- who are we kidding, you get a bitch pregnant in a different country, that’s not your problem!

Waiting Tables:In high school this field was pretty much open to all, but after a few years of education you quickly learn that only those pursuing degrees in theatre or music are capable of truly providing the service required at a fine dining establishment.

What you will end up doing in life: Waiting tables.




Selling Drugs:As far as college students go, most people who sell drugs don’t need the money.There is a good chance they are doing it simply to support their habit (hey man, 125 an 8-ball ain’t cheap).This is someone who is good to have as a friend but giving him a fake name is a plus.

What they will end up doing in life: 10-20.




note: this is my first CH article, i’d like some constructive criticism.
*also note: calling me a "cock-gobbling douchebag is not constructive crit."