Let's get laid my friends! It's the end of the school year and that means it's time to tap that ass of the special lady you've liked all year, OR pop those beer googles over your eyes and head on down to nasty-town. We're rolling out all the crap you definitely don't give a eff about, but will totally help you mack the ladies. Or, the dudes. Whatever tastes better.

First off, some advice on what NOT to do from our friend Calum Best, the British Kevin Federline and latest recipient of Lindsay Lohan's herpes. Apparently, while the two were partying in the Bahamas, LiLo's latest f*ck buddy made out with a random model while on a bathroom break and then hopped back into Lindsay's arms. So if you're gonna play with someone else, make sure you don't get caught. Especially if you're cheating on this:

Paris Hilton got her jail sentence cut down in half, from 45 days to 23, because a vag shot or two goes a long way in our nation's judicial system. NO ONE gives a sh*t about Paris Hilton, so have fun making jokes at her expense. The ladies will love to hear you put down the Queen Mean Girl. [Source: IDLYITW]

HOLY SHIT, you guys. Jodie Marsh – a British "model" – is going on reality TV to find a husband. That's not the crazy part, though. No, the crazy part is that she is doing it looking like THIS:

If for some reason you're not getting laid, don't feel bad. It could be worse – you could be boning this leather-clad cow. [Source/photo: HollywoodTuna]

Hell, no! Avril Lavigne is SO not hot, no matter what her topless Blender cover says. Or at least, that's what you say to whoever you're about to bring home for some sweet, Smirnoff Ice-induced lovin'. Otherwise, your Avril crush is just going to make things REALLY complicated. [Source: ToxicMagazine]

GOTH BONER ALERT! Rumors are circulating that the simulated music video sex scenes between Marilyn Manson and his 19 year-old girlfriend Evan Rachel Wood is, in fact, not so simulated at all. Watch the video and figure it out for yourself. Her screams seem real, but who knows what people sound like when they're getting fucked in blood. (Spoiler: they fuck in blood) Show this video to potential hook ups – you know anyone who's into it is a nasty, NASTY freak. [Sources: WWTDD, NinjaDude]

You know that site Hot Chicks With Douchebags? Well here's a new one for them to add to the mix:

Yeah, Cameron Diaz is dating that creepy Mindfreak magician dude, Criss Angel. Banging her has gotta be his best trick yet. I have NO idea how he did it. Maybe it's all just an illusion? [Sources/Photo: Dlisted, WWTDD]

Vanessa Minnillo and Nick Lachey make a great couple, especially when Nick is completely hidden by Vanessa's hot, wet ass. [Source/Photo: CelebSlam]

I'm conflicted over how I feel about these Jessica Alba pictures. Kind of hot, kind of porno hot, or kind of vomit porno hot? [Source/Photo: WWTDD]

Lastly, if you're stuck in a conversation about the haps in TV this week, here's all you need to know to chime in:

- Melinda Doolittle got kicked off American Idol, leaving behind the midget beat boxer and the boring girl to duke it out for the number one spot.
- Jaslene is the newest and most drag queenish Top Model America has ever had.
- Charlie is about to die! Wait maybe he's not! Either way…he's in an under water hatch? Who cares, Lost is SO much better stoned!
- Pam and Jim! Pam and Jim! Pam and Jim!
[Sources: MTV, MSNBC, E!, NYMag]

And if Pam and Jim are going to get laid, so should you.

Happy Boot Knocking,