Sure, on the surface they're just sugary delights, but breakfast cereals actually have a much deeper meaning when you deconstruct their real message.


1) Lucky Charms: "They're magically delicious?" Oh really? What's magically delicious you freaking leprechaun pervert. The people over at General Mills are obvious advocates of child predators and will most likely be seen on the next episode of "Dateline."

2) Trix: "Trix are for kids." You don't say. Now you're encouraging America's youth to forgo education in favor of a seedier lifestyle as a young prostitute turning tricks on the corner? Way to be a role model you sick, twisted bunny rabbit.

3) Rice Krispies: "Snap, crackle, pop." This is a clear allegory for a safe sex experience gone horribly awry. The subject snaps the condom on, crackles the wrapper, and proceeds to unknowingly spread his seed when his protection abruptly goes pop.

4) Kix: "Kid Tested, Mother Approved" AND Pops: "Gotta have my pops" : Freud would have had a field day with these two cereals. In their slogans we're witnessing a child's obvious Oedipal yearning for his mother's supple breast, and the unhealthy desire of a young girl to HAVE her father. On the other hand, however, it's not much different from any Disney movie ever.