For some of us, our love of these women comes from that seventh grade English teacher who used to be a cheerleader, the next door neighbor who sunbathed on the back patio, or that time you tried to put a video camera in your friend’s mom’s closet above the dresses and to the left of the Christmas presents. Today, finding an honest to goodness MILF feels like discovering gold without trying. Here are a few places to look that should increase your chances of finding and scoring with a pure-bred American MILF.

  1. The rides: MILFs tend to cruise at a higher class level. Because, lets be honest, many of them are shallow whores, they marry for money. Keep your eyes open for any luxury vehicles; this includes, but isn’t limited to, Land Rover, Mercedes Benz, BMW, and of course, Lexus. I must point out a few very distinct rides that show astonishing numbers. I usually have great success finding MILFs driving Lexus RX 350’s and Mercedes S-Class sedans (stare at them as long as possible-make them feel wanted. Who knows, maybe she’ll come find you and do that thing…you know what I’m talking about.) *For those in , the Ford F150 does rather well, but she’ll probably have a husband that can kick your ass.
  2. The stores: Quick story…Last summer when I was looking for dorm things I almost lost it because I knew I’d found the mother-load. The greatest stores to find MILFs in are Linens and Things and Bed Bath and Beyond. Maybe I’m a total vag-bag for shopping for stuff there, but really, I just gave you the greatest gift of all: rubbing material.
  3. Your mom: (not mine, but yours. Dude…she’s pretty hot.)
  4. The Supermarkets: This one gets tricky. Depending on the number of elementary schools in the near area, the young ones get out around 2:30-so expect to see them flock the stores from 12-2 and 3-4. Those are prime times. For a plus, healthy stores are the best, so if you have a Whole Foods near by, check it out. There is one note of caution with these places however: hippy chicks. Simple hygiene has never been of much concern with them, but maybe you’ll just get lucky and find a vegan-MILF (not a carnivore, eh?).
  5. The Hospital: Maybe you’re not like me. Maybe you like ‘em under-aged and lacking that maturity that spices up the cold nights. Then a hospital is the place for you…the maternity ward to be exact. She just spat one out, so technically she meets the requirements. *Rumor has it: Epidurals=super horny.