Even though he's out of prison and has refused to resume his former position as "Dr. Death," Dr. Jack Kevorkian still has a few career options left:

  1. High School Guidance Counselor – What troubled teen wouldn't want to "rap" with "Dr. K." about the important issues in their life? As a man with many years of experience in dealing with human suffering, he understands your pain over not being popular. And he's got a little syringe full of happiness to make it all better.
  2. Veterinarian – When it comes time for lil' Fluffy to be shot full of poison and unceremoniously tossed in the dumpster, you need to turn to someone you can trust. So come on down to Dr. Kevorkian's Animal Hospital, where we provide the finest in pet murder. That's Kevorkian: shutting down nervous systems for over 20 years.
  3. Paramedic – "Um, Jack, when we have a patient in the back of the ambulance don't you think you should turn on the siren? And not take the freeway at rush hour? And drive them to the hospital instead of the cemetery?"
  4. Children's Author – From Dr. Kevorkian, the acclaimed author of "Horton Hears A Who And Suffers From Dementia," comes the eagerly anticipated new children's book: "The Cat In The Hat That Hides His Malignant Brain Tumor."
  5. Guest Judge On American Idol – The show's ratings need a boost and who wouldn't tune in to hear the Doc deliver witty one-liners to the legions of untalented hopefuls that come to the auditions. Lines like, "The death-rattle of an 80-year-old with Lou Gehrig's Disease sounds better than you." Ooh burn! Move over Simon, the Doctor is in!