Adam Ruins Everything
Jake and Amir
Since Coming Back from the Peace Corps, You've Changed
June 6, 2007
Listen, dude. Me and the guys have been talking…this is kinda hard to say, but well, I’ll just say it: since coming back from the peace corps, you’ve changed.
Don’t get me wrong, we all think going to Africa was really cool of you. From your pictures and stories and everything, it seems like you had a great, life changing experience. But dude, what happened to the Brian we knew? Remember when you used to be Brian “The Drinker” Dunston? Now you’re Brian “All-He-Does-Is-Lecture-Us-On-Imperialism” Dunston. Such a crappy nickname.
I know living with those starving villagers changed your world view, but seriously, why do we have to hear about it all the time? If I have to hear one more time about the kid you saw eating bugs, I’m gonna scream. Yeah, okay, they were bugs, but I eat some bugs every time I ride my motorcycle. It’s not that big a deal.
Oh, and all that lecturing about wasting water has got to stop. Just because some kid in the Kalahari Desert almost died from thirst until you shared your canteen with him doesn’t mean you can tell me to cut my showers short. No dying kid is gonna drink my dirty bathwater. Besides, with my long hair, it’s essential I wash and condition thoroughly.
We’re not trying to say we don’t like you anymore, just that you need to take things less seriously. Remember freshman year when we had that big food fight? That was one of my best college memories. If that happened today, you’d probably go around gathering up the spilled food to make it into a casserole to send to Africa. Not that, you know, that’s wrong, but seriously. Have some fun!
And what happened to your dream of being a director? We used to watch awesome movies on Sunday afternoons; now you just talk about the Hollywood system and how it does nothing to help the less fortunate. Maybe you can use all those film classes to make a fucking documentary about Zimbabwe..
I’m sorry, that was harsh. Listen, why don’t we just play some beer pong this weekend and have fun like we used to? Oh, I see. Beer dehydrates people instead of proving them with the water content they need to survive. No, no, that makes sense. A thirsty African would die if he drank too much beer, yeah, I got it. Alright man, I’m gonna go play some
and waste both time and electricity that could be better used serving some Africans. Later.
We like you. Do you like us too?
Don't ask me again.