From the late '90s to the early 2000's, a musical machine ravaged the charts—well, the one album did alright, and the next one did a little better, and after that when their song came on the radio everyone kind of thought, "Didn't they break up a while ago?"—but in that eight-or-nine-month period they were hotter than the Kraft Macaroni and Cheese most of their fans just pulled out of their parents' microwave.

Many people believe the band's best component was bassist Wes Borland, and his departure from the band effectively led to its downfall. Well, those people are WRONG! Borland left the band because everyone else was too good, and their awesomeness was smothering his candy ass because he's a punk-ass bitch!

No, the true key to the amazing awesomeness of Limp Bizkit was one William Frederick Durst. He combined hardcore metal with rap lyrics so complex that to the untrained listener they sound like a seventh-grader wrote them, but upon closer examination, they are a mind-blowing poetry.

Here's just a small sample of the blinding musical genius of Limp Bizkit. It's one of the most kick-ass songs ever written, "Livin' It Up" from the album Chocolate Starfish and the Hot Dog Flavored Water. Try to ignore the unintelligible clanging of the bass guitar from noted punk-ass bitch Wes Borland.

"and don't forget about the starfish navigation system don't hate me, i'm just an alien with 37 tons of new millenium dum ditty dum, where's it coming from misses aguilera, come and get some oh no which way to go"

Fred Durst's middle name is Genius. Here is a man, a member of a lost generation fighting for identity. How does one gather 37 tons of new millennium? You can't. It's like trying to figure out how God can be both God and Jesus at the same time. YOU CAN'T DO IT! Durst is demonstrating the hopelessness of this task, despite his possession of the Starfish Navigation System, which is arguably the most powerful asset in the entire Star Fleet, of which Durst & Crew are not only a part of, but they are the fathers of all the other members (except for Borland, because he didn't come out that day, he stayed home like a bitch). Notice the humble nod to Christina Aguilera, which demonstrates that despite Fred Durst's omniscient power, he still respects women.

"How bout your fuckin' face I hope you know I pack a chainsaw, what!!…A chainsaw, what!!…A motherfucking chainsaw, what!!…"

That was a sample from "Break Stuff" off the album Significant Other, which really should have been renamed I, Fred Durst, Am God. If you listen closely through the track, you can hear the bass notes start to whine as Wes Borland is pounded in the ass mid-recording session by Durst's eighteen-inch cock.

"don't complain yet twenty four seven never beggin' for a rain check old school soldiers blastin' out that hot shit that rock shit puttin' bounce in the mosh pit"

Fred Durst is Jesus Christ, Gandhi, Muhammad, Buddha, and Kali rolled into one. We can only kneel and pray for his mercy.

Alas, the musical power that was Limp Bizkit has faded from relevance, and those of us who lived and breathed that audible magic can do nothing but mourn their former greatness, while turning the treble up really high to drown out the retardedness of Wes Bitchland's "sounds". Seriously, that guy is a grade-A faggot. BIG DOUCHE! You hear me, Borland? You think you can just walk away from the greatest band in history? You're fuckin' WRONG!