Two buddies, Jeff and Kyle, converse over beers following a tough intramural softball loss.
Jeff: Damnit, I can’t believe we lost to the SigEps again. Those guys are total douches.
Kyle: Frats are so gay. Who wants to pay for their friends?
Jeff: I really don’t get what is so great about living in a house that reeks of piss and booze with a bunch other dudes. No amount of beer and women would make that worthwhile.
Kyle: Can you imagine their parties? “Hey brah, could you throw me another Natty when you get done screwing that goat?” Frat guys are gay goat f*ckers who pay for their friends.
Jeff: Some frat guys are okay. Did you know Craig from Econ was in a frat?
Kyle: Yeah, but he’s a Teke. They’re cool. They tried to rush me, but I already had all the friends I needed. And I didn’t have to pay for them.
Jeff: Hey, Did you find a place to live next semester?
Kyle: Yeah. Me and some friends from high school found this sweet house south of campus. Five guys under one roof. The parties are going to be legendary.
Jeff: Awesome. Who is living with you?
Kyle: Umm… Vince, Scott, Joe, and Boner.
Jeff: Who is Boner?
Kyle: You know, Tommy from our IM basketball team. He was making out with Carly on our couch one night and pitched a tent. I’ve been calling him Boner ever since. I give out the sickest nicknames.
Jeff: Oh. Isn’t he a SigEp?
Kyle: Yeah, but he’s cool. So, Carly’s pretty hot, isn’t she?
Jeff: I guess so.
Kyle: I did her.
Jeff: You stud. Gotta love independent chicks.
Kyle: To independitutes!
The two clink glasses and finish beers.
Kyle: Hey, let’s get out of here so we can catch the Daily Show.
Jeff: Did you know Jon Stewart was a Pike?
Kyle: Really? What a fag. I’ve always liked Colbert better, anyway.
The waitress brings over the check
Kyle: I just don’t understand why anyone would pay for their friends.
Jeff: Yeah, no shit.
Kyle: Looks at check then in wallet. Hey man, I’m a little short. Can you spot me ten bucks?
Note: The author of this article is both a fraternity alumnus and a fan of Frat Chat. He can also use the word "dichotomy" in a sentence.