Me: What do you want to do tonight, babe?

Her:
I don't know. Let's go down to the basement and talk about it.

Me:
Why do you always want to go to the basement? It's dark, and wet, and gross.

Her:
Ugh, you're so not spontaneous.

We hear shattered glass and heavy breathing.

Me: Did you hear that?

Her:
Hello? Hello? Hello? Hello? Hello? Hello? Hello? Hello? Hello?

Me:
Nine’s enough.

Her:
Quick, turn off the lights!

Me:
Turn them off? Why?

Her:
That’s what it said to do in the forbidden videotape I watched to calm down after I was in that hit-and-run.

Me:
Why don’t we go to Chili’s and – wait, what?

Her:
Hey, there's some kind of tunnel over here that leads underground! And a trail of what appears to be red paint… I love art! Let's see where it leads.

Me:
Sweetie, please.

Her:
It'll be fun. We can recite dark incantations to pass the time. "Non bagno te, bagno il tuo cuore! Che sempre pi